


Consequences

by captainraz



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 01:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainraz/pseuds/captainraz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Odo is the chief of security on Deep Space Nine; the safety of every person on board is his responsibility. When Kira Nerys is killed on his watch, how does he deal with his grief and the consequences of his inaction?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consequences

Odo was having a very pleasant day. He’d mastered a new shape that morning, trouble on the Promenade was minimal though he had a sufficient number of criminals in the holding cells to be sure the station was relatively safe and he’d managed to catch Quark up to no good once so far. He was sat attending to some of the reports that the Federation were so fond of, and while it wasn’t his favourite activity it was oddly relaxing on a day with few distractions, though his peace wasn’t to last. Peace never lasted long on Deep Space Nine.

 

Just then, Major Kira Nerys entered the security office.

 

“What can I do for you Major?”

 

“I’ve brought those new criminal activity reports that you asked for. Oh, and Captain Sisko said to remind you that you’re required to attend tomorrow night's dinner for the Ambassador.”

 

Odo made an indignant noise in his throat. “I don’t see the point in attending a dinner when I don’t eat.” Kira looked like she was going to offer some sort of rebuke, but Odo cut her off. “Inform Captain Sisko that I’ll be there to ensure the safety of the Ambassador.”

 

Nerys gave him an indulgent smile. “Are you ever off duty, Constable?”  

 

“When I’m regenerating,” was the acerbic reply.

 

“Well you’re off duty for this function tomorrow and Constable, you’re going to have fun. That’s an order.”

 

Odo rolled his eyes. “Yes, Major.”

 

Kira smiled at her friend and headed back out to the Promenade. Odo went back to his paperwork for a few hours, trying to think up a valid excuse to disobey the Major’s direct order. He only had a few minutes left of his shift when he heard some sort of commotion on the Promenade. This wasn’t unusual; there was always some sort of commotion on the Promenade and since he was about to go off duty, Odo was willing to trust the matter to his deputies. That was, until he heard a familiar female voice shout “Get your hands off me you troll!”

 

Odo assumed that Quark was trying it on with the Major again, and though she was more than capable of defending herself against an amorous Ferengi, he thought he’d better take a look, if only for the pleasure of seeing Quark get beaten to a pulp by a justifiably angry Bajoran. When Odo stepped out of his office, however, he saw that Major Kira wasn’t being assaulted by the lecherous barkeep, but a Nausicaan. Odo was already moving towards the altercation when he saw Kira slap her assailant.

 

Too late Odo saw the glitter of steel as the man drew a knife. Fear lurched in the place Odo’s stomach should be and he ran, as fast as he could, but he knew he wouldn’t get there in time. Kira managed to block the initial blow but the ferocity of her assailant and the fresh blood running down her arm threw her off balance. The Nausicaan swung his arm around and plunged his knife into Kira’s stomach, just below her ribcage. Her eyes widened in shock and pain has her attacker gave a firm jerk upwards, lifting her off her feet. The knife was withdrawn and she fell to her knees.

 

Odo was there to catch her, barging past the Nausicaan to gently cradle the Major in his arms. Someone shouted for Bashir, and Odo was surprised to realise it had been him. A shaking hand morphed to cover a larger area and pressed down on Kira’s wound, frantically trying to stem the bleeding.

 

“Odo…” Kira said with a gurgle, her voice faint and weak..

 

“Don’t you dare die on me Major! We’ve got that dinner tomorrow night, remember?” said Odo gruffly, desperately. Kira only smiled at him as she slipped away. Her entire body went limp and Odo saw the life go out of her eyes. A hundred and one emotions roiled within his very substance and he vented in the only way that made sense.

 

He screamed.

 

The Changeling’s keening wail reverberated around the Promenade, and no one who heard it could mistake what it was; the anguished cry of someone full of grief and pain. Odo screamed until his throat was raw, rocking Kira’s body back and forth.

 

Then Julian was there, gently taking Kira out of his arms, murmuring soothing words and giving orders to other medical staff. Every cell in Odo’s body felt numb as he stood up and watched Nerys be carried into the infirmary. Then he looked down at his hands, covered in the blood of the woman he loved, and seething anger and hatred erupted from that place within him where he buried his emotions.

 

Odo wheeled around and saw the Nausicaan being held by two of his deputies. All thoughts of law and order fled his mind as he focussed on the white hot anger that filled his very substance. He punched the man who had killed Kira Nerys with all the strength he possessed. The Nausicaan’s head snapped back and he tumbled backwards to the floor, his jaw in all likelihood shattered. Odo brought trembling hands to his face as another wave of grief and anguish washed over him. And then his lost his shape entirely.

 

 

**

 

When Odo came to, he was in a bucket in the Infirmary. Every cell in his body hurt like he’d taken a disrupter blast but still he painstakingly regained his humanoid form. Julian came out from another room, his eyes red rimmed.

 

“I’m sorry Odo…” he said, his voice hoarse and quiet. “There was nothing I… she was already…” Odo nodded stiffly, his eyes full of raw pain. Desperately he tried to reform his vocal chords.

 

“I… I’d like to see her…” Odo’s voiced was gruffer than usual, hoarse from screaming and full of anguish. Julian simply nodded and stood aside.

 

Kira was lying on one of the infirmary’s uncomfortable beds under the blue glow of a stasis field. Odo nearly lost his shape again when he saw her. She looked so beautiful, so peaceful despite the violence that had put her there.

 

Odo sank to his knees beside the bed and took Kira’s hand. And then he began the Bajoran death chant. He had no idea how long he’d been unconscious; he was sure the Vedek from the temple had already performed this rite, but he needed to do it himself. He didn’t believe in the Prophets he was calling out to guide Kira’s _pagh_ , but she had. And Odo had believed in her.

 

Word travelled quickly around the station, and Odo had barely finished his chant when Dax came in. Her eyes were full of tears and Odo felt some of his own pain mirrored in her face. She pulled the Constable into a desperate hug and he reciprocated as best knew how.

 

Other visitors, mourners, came and went, and Odo outlasted them all. He stood by Kira’s bedside, unwilling to leave her, his shape flickering and shimmering, a sheen of liquid covering his entire surface.

 

When Sisko came by Odo thought there might be some punishment for assaulting the Nausicaan, but the Captain simply laid his hand on the shapeshifter’s shoulder and looked at him with eyes that spoke of shared pain.

 

Eventually Odo could no longer hold his humanoid shape, and he gave in to the dual pull of gravity and the need to regenerate. When he next awoke, he was in his quarters. He spread out over the floor, relieved that he was alone and had no need to reshape himself. He had no idea how long he lay there with his pain.

 

If Odo had believed he had a soul, he might have said it felt like part of it had just died. As it was he felt like part of him was missing, like there was a huge gaping hole in his being where Kira Nerys should be.

 

Sometime later the door chime went. Odo ignored it. The noise rang out a second and then a third time. By the time Odo heard Sisko overriding the lock he was already gathering himself up into the shape that people knew best.

 

Sisko’s face was tired, and he looked like he had been crying; he’d just lost a good officer, and a friend. Odo wasn’t sure he’d gotten all his features correct, but the Captain didn’t say anything.

 

“I thought I’d drop by and see how you were,” said Sisko quietly. “And to let you know that, given the circumstances the Nausicaan has wisely decided not to press charges against you. Nevertheless, I’m relieving you of duty for the time being.”

 

Odo opened and closed his mouth several times before managing to get his mouth to form any words. “Thank you, Captain,” he said simply, his voice tight. Sisko nodded.

 

“I’m sorry Odo, I didn’t know how you felt about the Major. I don’t think any of us did.”

 

Odo closed his eyes, trying to blot out the pain. “It doesn’t matter now.”

 

“It matters,” said Sisko softly, but insistently. “Did you ever tell her?” Odo shook his head sadly; his biggest regret, and he would carry it to his own grave.

 

“There’s no family,” said Sisko. “Dax and I have been… taking care of Kira’s things. Here… I think Nerys would have wanted you to have this.”

 

Sisko opened his hand to reveal Kira’s earring. Odo’s form wavered on the precipice between solid and liquid, but managed to keep himself together enough to take the small piece of jewellery from the Captain. He nodded, unable to speak through what may have been a literal lump in his throat.

 

“The funeral is in three days. O’Brien is organising a wake for afterwards. I’d like you to be there.”

 

“I will be, Captain.”

 

“In the meantime, take care of yourself, Odo.”

 

 

**

 

Odo spent most of the next three days as a miserable pool of amber liquid on the floor of his quarters. He was unable to keep his humanoid form for any appreciable length of time, and the delight he had once felt in his Changeling nature was gone, replaced but a tumult of indescribably powerful, messy, _humanoid_ emotions. As hard as he’d loved Nerys, he grieved for her twice as hard. Odo was relieved that he wasn’t on duty; he was sure that if he’d had to interrogate the man who had murdered Kira he would probably have killed him. Nerys wouldn’t have wanted that.

 

The day of the funeral arrived, and somehow Odo managed to force his cells into his humanoid shape, fashioning a sombre black outfit. He checked himself in the mirror to see how well he’d managed his shape and was shocked by what he saw. His reflection didn’t look like him anymore. The unfinished features were the same, but the old Odo was gone, and with it the impassive mask he had hidden behind for so long. Every emotion was now written on his face, plain as day. Every iota of anger, of hurt and grief, the love he still bore for a now dead woman was now open for all to see.

 

Odo found he didn’t care.

 

Carefully he attached Kira’s earring to his own half formed ear, feeling like he was committing some sort of heresy in the act. It was, after all,  a symbol of a people he didn’t quite belong to, a religion he had never believed in. But it was also a reminder of the woman he had loved, a woman who would never know how he felt.

 

The funeral service was beautiful, a traditional Bajoran ritual with additional elements to allow the non-Bajoran mourners to find closure. People were invited to speak a few words about Kira; Sisko spoke of the woman he had met that first day on Deep Space Nine, and of how she became the best first officer he could ask for. Dax spoke of her friend; of Kira’s fierce loyalty, her wonderful stubbornness and her gentle compassion. Odo was encouraged to speak, but he found he had nothing to say that wasn’t already written on his anguished face.

 

When the service was over people began filing out of the temple to attend Kira’s wake or to grieve in private. Odo remained behind, wanting to say goodbye for the last time. The Vedek gave him an understanding smile and allowed him to approach the casket. Odo gently stroked the Major’s hair and placed a single kiss on her forehead. For the first time in his humanoid life he felt the need to cry, but he did not allow himself to. Instead he dropped to his knees at Kira’s side and finally told her all the things he should have said while she was alive. Finally, too late, he confessed the love he had felt for years, and then he said goodbye, knowing that he would never love anyone the way he loved her.

 

Odo attended the wake at Quark’s bar; a wonderfully raucous affair that Nerys would have been proud of. Odo took a leaf out of Curzon’s book and gave celebration to Kira’s life with several bottles of Bajoran spring wine, discovering in the process that he wasn’t completely immune to the effects of alcohol. He was glad for the painfully fuzzy sensation that permeated his cells the next day; it was a distraction from the rawness of the grief he felt.

 

Slowly life on the station adjusted to fill the gaping hole left by Major Kira’s death. The Constable returned to duty and a new Bajoran liaison officer was appointed. Odo took an immediate dislike to her, simply because she wasn’t Nerys. Everyone adjusted, everyone began to heal; everyone except Odo. He found it hard to just go on with his life when he felt broken, like some fundamental part of him was missing. It became harder and harder to do his job, the passive mask that had made him such a successful interrogator was gone. Fear of the Constable ebbed away, replaced by pity or worse, derision. Petty crime increased on the station and eventually Odo found he couldn’t even keep Quark in check. Finally, he gave in to the inevitable; it was time to leave.

 

Several days later Odo approached Captain Sisko’s office, PADD in hand.

 

“Constable, what can I do for you?”

 

“I’ve brought you my letter of resignation, Captain.” Sisko raised his eyebrows, but didn’t seem surprised. “I’ve already resigned my commission with the Bajoran militia.”

 

“I see. I don’t suppose there’s anything I can say that will change your mind.” Odo shook his head. “Well, it’s a shame to lose you; you’ve been a damn fine security chief.”

 

“Thank you, Captain. That means a lot to me considering the drastic drop in my performance over the last few months.”

 

“What do you plan on doing next?” Odo shifted uncomfortably.

 

“I am aware that it’s highly irregular, but I was hoping I would be able to borrow a runabout.”

 

“Giving a runabout to a civilian _would_ be highly irregular. May I ask what you intend to do with it.” Captain Sisko’s voice was level but curious.

 

“I wish to return home… to my people.” This time Sisko did look genuinely surprised. “The station has been the only real home I’ve ever had, but it’s… too painful to stay. I can’t do my job; I’m no good to you here. But maybe I can do some good in the Gamma Quadrant, ease some of the tension with the Dominion.”

 

Sisko sighed. “If it was anyone else asking for this, the answer would be an outright no; it’s against regulations… but… this is you asking. I think losing a runabout is an acceptable price to pay for what you could achieve here. Starfleet would understand. You are sure this is what you want to do?”

 

“Perfectly sure, Captain.”

 

“Very well. I think I can keep hold of your resignation letter for a few days. You can have the Rubicon.”

 

“Thank you, Captain. I will try to get her back to you in one piece.”

 

“Make sure you say goodbye.” Odo nodded and made to leave. “Oh and Odo… good luck.”

 

Odo spent most of the rest of the day saying goodbye to his colleagues, his friends, taking each one to one side and explaining his reasons. He even said goodbye to Quark, warning him to stay out of trouble. In an uncharacteristic display of emotion, the Ferengi had grasped Odo’s shoulder and told him to take care of himself.

 

He retired to his quarters, having left instructions that Quark could sell whatever he wanted from his possessions. That night his regeneration was fitful and uneasy, the enormity of what he was about to do pressing down on him. He rose early and performed one last bittersweet patrol of the Promenade. He lingered a moment in the spot where it had happened and for a moment he was back in the heat of that terrible moment. Though the blood was long since washed away, Odo could still see it drenching the floor, his hands, his uniform. Suddenly overwhelmed by emotion he turned on his heel and walked away without looking back.

 

Dax was waiting for him by the airlock. Her eyes were sad and kind as she drew the Changeling into a tender embrace. Odo allowed it; Dax in particular has taken to hugging him quite frequently in the past few months. She was one of the few people who had known his feelings before he had screamed it to the world on the Promenade that terrible day.

 

“You’re sure you don’t want me to come with you?” asked Dax, pulling back in the embrace.

 

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m sure. The last person I showed my homeworld to was Kira. I just think it would be too painful.” Dax nodded sympathetically.

 

“You’re going to be missed, Constable. Those of us who are left behind will have to come to terms with _two_ gaping holes in this bizarre little family we’ve made for ourselves on this station.” Odo looked guilty for a moment but Dax reassured him that he was making the right decision for himself. “Take care of yourself Odo. And if you can ever bring yourself to return to the Alpha Quadrant, look me up. No matter who the host is, as long as there is a Dax you will be welcome.”

 

Odo submitted to one final hug before stepping into the airlock and into the unknown. The pre-launch procedure was completely unremarkable, save for a final farewell and wish of good luck from Captain Sisko. Slowly the Rubicon lifted him up and away from the only life he’d ever known. The Wormhole flared to life and all of a sudden the station was gone. The runabout was halfway through the Wormhole when the first wave of rage hit him. Blinded by pain and barely able to keep his humanoid form, Odo brought the runabout to a halt.

 

Bent over the console and shaking with rage, his form pulsated as he fought his body’s need to collapse into an amber puddle. Here he was inside the Wormhole, inside the Celestial Temple of the Prophets he had disdained but Nerys had believed in her whole life; the Prophets that had abandoned her when she needed them most, who had been unwilling or unable to help her as she bled to death in Odo’s arms. Odo gave his rage a voice.

 

He let loose with every curse and swear word that had ever been levelled at him by his detainees. He called out to the Prophets, the Wormhole aliens, demanding to know they they had allowed Nerys to die. He cursed them for failing to protect the woman he loved, beseeched them to feel his pain and called on them to change this. When at last his anger had run its course and he had shouted himself hoarse he disintegrated into his natural state.

 

When Odo came to, he was once again in his humanoid shape, in what appeared to be a senior staff meeting in Ops. The soft, ethereal glow that permeated the room told him that he had succeeded in contacting the entities that live in the Wormhole.

 

“This one is different,” said Sisko.

 

“It is linear, but changeable,” added Dax.

 

“It is in pain,” said Kira, and Odo had to forcibly remind himself that it wasn’t her, that the alien was just taking her shape.

 

“It wants something,” said Bashir.

 

“To change what happened in its past; to obtain a different consequence,” said Sisko.

 

“But the Sisko said that linear beings enjoy not knowing consequences before they occur,” said Kira.

 

“Not this consequence; never this consequence,” said Odo.

 

Suddenly the scene shifted to the one that was indelibly printed onto Odo’s memory, except this time he was on the outside looking in, even more powerless to do anything. For a second time he watched Nerys die in his arms and his jaw clenched in remembered pain.

 

“You exist here,” said Dax.

 

“Yes,” he said.

 

“Why?” asked Sisko.

 

“Because it hurts. Because I might as well have died with her,” said Odo, his eyes full of pain the aliens didn’t quite understand.

 

“You love her,” said the Kira alien.

 

“Yes.”

 

“You wish us to intervene?” asked Dax.

 

“Yes.”

 

“We cannot,” said Sisko. “They must continue their linear existence.”

 

“He is of Bajor,” said Dax.

 

“She is of Bajor,” agreed Kira.

 

“We cannot intervene,” said Quark, standing in the entrance to his bar.

 

“This one is different,” said Dax. “We can give it the chance to change the consequence.”

 

“We will intervene,” said Kira. “It is up to you to heal your pain.”

 

Relief flooded through Odo’s body, and then he passed out.

 

 

**

 

Odo came to in his quarters with the distinct feeling that something was off. Slowly his memory came back to him; the last thing he remembered he had been in the Wormhole. How had he ended up in back his quarters? Gradually he coalesced into his customary humanoid shape and asked the computer for the date. To his astonishment, the computer told him that it was morning on the day that Nerys had died. A strange sort of elation flooded through Odo’s entire body; he would get his chance to save her.

 

But just the one.

 

The Constable went about his day much as he had the previous time he’d lived it; he did his rounds, attended to reports and caught Quark switching labels in his stockroom.  Odo consciously avoided spending too much time in his office, remembering the conversation he’d had with Kira just hours before she’d been killed. He didn’t know what he would do when he saw her again, and he wanted to avoid that particular meeting until it was absolutely necessary.

 

He managed to avoid her until the end of his duty shift and by that point he was in place on the Promenade. He saw the Nausicaan exit Quark’s clearly under the influence of alcohol. He barrelled into the Major, seemingly completely unaware of her presence. Kira reacted with her usual fiery temper and let loose at him. Instead of apologising and going about his business, the Nausicaan leered at Kira and grabbed her, trying to kiss her.

 

“Get your hands off me you troll!”

 

Odo was moving as soon as he saw her pushing her attacker off. He shouted a gruff warning about the knife he knew was coming. For a split second Kira stared at him, utterly confused, and Odo thought that all this might have been for naught. But it was only a split second. Her gaze snapped back to her attacker as the knife was drawn. Kira easily blocked the initial blow and swung her fists into the Nausicaan's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. And then Odo was there tackling the Nausicaan to the ground. The Constable wrestled the knife out of his hand, and threw it to one side.

 

“I don’t _allow_ weapons on the Promenade,” he said, his voice cold and tight. As two of his deputies hauled the drunk to his feet, Odo turned to Kira. Her face was flushed from the adrenaline rush of the encounter, and she looked stunned, grateful and extremely confused.

 

“Constable, how did you…?” Odo cut her off, taking her face in his hands and kissing her with a searing intensity. He poured years of love and passion and desire into this kiss, all of the grief and pain he had felt at losing her. His emotions were clearly written on his usually guarded face as he pulled away and for a moment Kira was stunned. Then she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down for another, deeper kiss. Odo was only too happy to oblige. Applause broke out among the small crowd that had gathered on the Promenade. Kira and Odo ignored them, oblivious to the outside world as they kissed each other like they needed it to survive. Eventually they parted, Kira’s face flushed and her chest heaving. Her eyes were bright as she took in the Changeling’s smooth features.

 

Odo’s face was suffused with happiness as he leant his forehead against Kira’s. After allowing himself to trace her lips with his thumb, he composed himself. He cleared his throat and took a step back, drawing himself up to his full humanoid height as he glared at the whooping and cheering crowd. Some of Odo’s deputies were in the crowd and they took the hint, encouraging people to move along and get back to their own business.

 

Satisfied that order would soon be restored, Odo returned his gaze to the woman he loved and noticed that they were still holding hands. The Changeling wasn't quite sure when their hands had come together, but he was pleased that their fingers were still entwined. His face broke out into a radiant smile.

 

“I think we should take this somewhere a little more private, before I’m forced to arrest myself.”

 

Kira grinned. “I thought you’d never ask!”

 

Later, when she was lying against his chest, she asked how he had known that the Nausicaan was armed; that he was planning on hurting her. Odo’s hand paused where it had been lazily tracing shapes on her shoulder.

 

“You can thank your Prophets for that,” he said quietly. Kira looked at him, both surprised and puzzled.

 

“Odo, you don’t believe in… you’re the biggest skeptic I know,” she said.

 

“I fear they’ve made a believer out of me,” he said. Kira’s frown deepened and Odo knew his lover wouldn’t be satisfied until she had heard the truth.

 

So he told her the whole story, leaving out no detail about what had happened or how he had felt. Her arms tightened around him as he described a series of events that no one save him remembered. He told her how he couldn't find a way past his grief, of his decision to return to his people and his encounter in the Celestial temple. He told her with words what his body had already whispered to hers, and as she told him with trembling lips that she felt the same, Odo did something he had never done before in his life; he cried.

 

And Nerys cried with him.

  
Eventually their cries became kisses, and kisses became cries of an entirely different sort.  When their passion was spent once more, Odo looked down at the woman falling asleep in his arms and he knew that, at last, he was home.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited 21/11/13.


End file.
